I just finished one last chore which I had started before my departure. I sent off a letter to the editor of UMD’s newspaper the Statesmen. I think the letter speaks for itself:
My wife and I would like to take this opportunity to welcome UMD’s freshman to Duluth. We are not alone in extending our greetings. While we have gotten used to the Labor Day weekend parade of cars driving past our home on 21st Ave East to our City’s beckoning college campuses we were surprised when Condom Man joined the gaggle of students lining the route with their lawn chairs, libations and licentious invitations to Freshmen girls. And Condom Man was not alone. He was flanked by two young women fetchingly dressed as Heineken cans.
This homage to the charms of alcohol and safe sex must have been a comfort to the parents driving past in search of residence halls for their progeny. What my neighbors children, aged three and six, thought of our latex visitor I have no idea although I understand the constant honking his appearance provoked did abbreviate their afternoon naps. It was the most excitement we’ve had on the avenue since Bill Clinton drove up to speak at UMD a decade ago.
I appreciate the allure of good advertising. Traffic engineers have estimated that about 25,000 cars drive up and down the avenue each day. Why, every winter for eighteen years I’ve made snow sculptures for all those passersby. Later this fall I’ll even put up a couple of lawn signs for my campaign for Congress.
My home can’t quite accommodate the record number of freshmen who have taken up residence in Duluth this year and I’m afraid of alarming my neighbors by inviting Condom Man over but everyone, including the latex giant, is most welcome to visit my campaign website: Welty4congress.org. Or, if you’d like to drop by daily, you could check out my blog: www.lincolndemocrat.com.
Harry Welty
UMD neighbor and
Unity Party candidate for Congress
