This tends to happen when logic kicks in and when reality makes itself known. Suddenly, you realize how fucking offensive you find each other, but getting out of such a relationship is easier said than done. Your heart says yes, but your head says no. And then you convince your head to say yes, which in turn makes your heart say no.

At this point, your decision making usually defaults to your genitals-even though their track record for decision making is about as good as a drunk third-grader’s-which only leads to embarrassing public arguments, unpaid drink tabs, thrown iPhones, changed locks, unanswered phone calls, tear-ridden voicemails, and the sterile interior of a clinic, or if you’re lucky, an oh-god-please-don’t-give-me-a-false-positive-you-piece-of-shit-$9.99-pregnancy-test-from-a-7/11 experience, which is guaranteed to challenge anyone’s sanity.

And then there you are (wherever you go, as they say), and you find yourself jobless with two one-way tickets to Bermuda that were never used, six stitches, slashed car tires, and a shattered cell phone. But at least that psycho is fucking gone (even though you still kinda miss them). The experience is vicious yet thrilling, and will never let you forget that we are, after all, animals.

Finding the Perfect Fit

Someone whose life priorities are perfectly aligned with yours may still enjoy completely different leisure activities. You may swoon every time your partner smiles at you but get irritated by how they always make that weird sound when breathing.

100% compatibility and chemistry doesn’t exist. You’d be dating yourself. And even then, you’re going to have a bad time -I mean, have you spent any time with yourself lately?

70-80% compatibility and chemistry is what you should be aiming for. Is there a way to measure this? Fuck no. But that feels about right to me. This is more than enough to have a well-functioning relationship, to build a partnership based on mutual respect, to fall a little more in love with each passing day but also weather the storms when love just doesn’t seem to be enough .

And here’s the dirty little secret: you don’t want that remaining 20-30%. It’s actually dealing with those “flaws” and surmounting the small irritations that makes a relationship feel meaningful and rewarding. So stop looking for “ the one .” Stop dreaming of someone who finishes all your sentences and does everything you want them to, exactly the way you like it. They don’t exist. That’s not a relationship, that’s a rich fantasy life.

Know What You Want

Navigating the dating landscape with confidence requires that you understand compatibility and chemistry . If you want to ultimately end up enjoying your time with an amazing partner-and I don’t just mean enjoying sex (that should be a given, sex is naughtydate neat-o), but I mean really, truly enjoying your time together-then it’s important you get a cognitive handle on these emotional indicators of compatibility and chemistry.

The most important aspect is understanding what you want-what makes a person compatible with you, what personality traits have chemistry with you? The first question you should ask yourself is “What do I want?” 5 And then you should probably ask yourself a few more questions.

You need to know what you like and what you want in a partner. Like if you want kids or not, 6 or if you are really into blondes. Those answers matter. If you don’t know, then you need to cautiously gain enough experience until you do know.

Back when I was dating, I found that I was incapable of dating girls who weren’t incredibly smart. I could make it 2-3 dates with a woman of average intelligence or less and that was usually solely by merit of drowning my entire face in alcohol. Since a long-term relationship with these women would have necessitated that I take up alcoholism as a hobby, we inevitably parted ways. I also learned that I don’t work well with women who are particularly religious or who have socially conservative values. Just not my thing.