I’m particular over sex (until my personal Grindr software buzzes later on that nights)

I’m particular over sex (until my personal Grindr software buzzes later on that nights)

Since the erect cock of a girthy, middle-aged gent at utopia spa (2912 W Montrose Ave, 773-588-3304) stretches toward me such as the offering of a strong handshake, I’m curious if this is actually my entire life. It’s Sunday mid-day in addition to end of a long week-end of raunch that We swear begun innocently adequate.

a€? This is the tag range for Pinque Pony (Donny’s Skybox, 1616 letter Wells St; Fri 21 at pm), a sharp latest sketch revue featuring comedian Andy Eninger (whoever build we always drool at XSport Fitness) and John Loos, his a lot younger and equally hot boyfriend. The show try whip-smart within the take on Grindr, threesomes and consistent fancy, and titillating sufficient that abruptly the night seems ripe with chances.

We land in Lakeview in which i am tipped off that a Boystown club has begun hosting a a€?gentleman’s personal houra€? every saturday evening after finally call. In accordance with the bartender, who’s ominously cutting into a great large cucumber while talking me personally upwards, it is an invite-only celebration whereby doors tend to be locked, lighting is down, shirts or trousers must come off and sale of alcohol is strictly verboten (although complimentary Colt 45s tend to be handed out to ease the strain).

Sure enough, once the witching hr nears therefore the clueless masses distribute in to the night, in-the-know bunches of men within their twenties and thirties fill the joint. T-shirts and trousers begin landing on to the ground in heaps that resemble clumps escort Kansas City of the autumn months dried leaves, and I’m astonished observe some men leaving their particular sartorial senses for full-on nakedness. A device stations out dense puffs of fog that provide the room a chalky heaviness similar to the Dagobah program, so there’s adequate booze rattling around within my head that i am inclined to make some lascivious iliar confronts are plenty of and my personal pejunkle recoils like a house pet frightened from the audio of a whirring cleaner.

From the tuesday nights that kicks off my personal dirty gay sunday, my curiosity try at first piqued by a press release that reads, a€?Dominant homosexual muscle tissue couple tries submissive design comedy readers

Rather, We allow two pals to speak me into a 4am trip across the street to Steamworks (3246 N Halsted St), Boystown’s ebullient bathhouse. After examining a€?seeing my friends nakeda€? off my personal to-do number, we wander alone through second-floor’s labyrinth of doors and decorative mirrors, which never ever doesn’t remind me personally of orifice sequence of Godard’s Alphaville. We stick to a handsome gent for the roof, that I see are a smoking lounge (picture the burnouts at your senior high school, in white towels). The man i am chasing after lights up a fag and ignores myself.

At Jackhammer (6406 N Clark St), a vintage, nude Asian man (who’s a fixture on the gay world and apparently some form of assess) are twirling around money nude in the main club to your entertainment of onlookers, ultimately relaxing nearby the level where in actuality the go-gos shake it

We strike the steam space and spa rather, although pumicing the evening’s filth off my own body during the gang shower curtains observe a spectacled young thing relocating. a€?I do not kiss,a€? the guy informs me. (i assume what this means is no holding handsies while checking out best Shop together, either). We dump this lame dud of a dude and call-it a night.

Determined for better luck on Saturday, I strike the Manhandler Saloon (1948 letter Halsted St, 773-871-3339), a sail club saved discreetly in the heart of Lincoln playground. In the front room, there is gay pornography using together with a€?copa€? whom just shot his weight can’t appear to shake off that finally bit of post-coital jizz (I hate that!). We make a beeline the consistent out back once again where factors go bump (and work) into the evening. It is very early, and other than a random dude moaning and pumping his left hand intensely in one single place, there isn’t a lot observe.

I head to the Hole, the ‘hammer’s cellar bar and gamble area, which is under building rather than really busy. The enforced outfit laws is actually leather, latex or underwear, and I’m amused by two muscle twinks exactly who watch out of devote their own fancy Diesel briefs. To my surprise, one among these brings his cock down and begins whizzing exuberantly on the other side. We watch in amazement as different men swarm them like bees and sniff and eat their own prepared armpits. The neat nut in me would like to tidy up the mess. Rather, I-go room and sublimate still another hit a brick wall night with many Reese’s Peanut Butter servings.

I finish on Sunday at utopia Sauna, a Korean bathhouse with a cruisy agent. In addition to getting tattered in the edges, it’s actually not a bad destination to relax with a steam. In the spa, a dude is now visibly turned on by my presence, but We shrug it off.

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